COEIS: Redux!
by lightningrook
Summary: Overhauled version of my ancient dinosaur fic, Child of Earth in Spira. Join our heroine, Kelle, as she tries to survive after unfortunate events lead to her (and some others) being thrown into the world of one of her favourite video games! Will she make it to the end? Let's find out... Some swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer****: I do not own Final Fantasy or anything associated with it. I own only my OCs and any little sideplots I come up with that weren't in the actual game. I also don't own the Bolt Axe. Got that from Fire Emblem: Awakening (shut up, I like that game!) and modified the design a bit. You'll see in the story. Or maybe in a character concept art or something. If I ever do them.**

**Authoress: ...I still miss my cat. He died over seven months ago, but the house still just doesn't feel right without him being there. **end pathetic moping of crazy cat lady****

**I always intended to finish the original of this fic a LONG time ago. But life got in the way, I grew up somewhat and...**

**Well, I'm not satisfied with the old version of this fic. So I'm doing a new one. Hopefully the characters will be a bit more believable now.**

**And without further ado, here is Child of Earth in Spira: Redux!**

**Chapter One: Yay. Danger.**

I groaned and sat up, spitting sand out of my mouth and making noises of disgust. Since when was there sand on a train? I looked around, and noticed the big blue ocean stretching out in front of me. I was on a beach, in a little alcove of sorts, sat next to what appeared to be a modified Bolt Axe from the new Fire Emblem game and a sort of orangey coloured chest. And then I screamed, looking down at my attire.

"Who the FUCK changed my clothes?!" I shrieked. Not that the clothes were bad, or anything. It's just a pretty creepy and disturbing experience, waking up in the middle of nowhere and finding that someone changed your clothes while you were sleeping. I spent the next couple of minutes freaking out before I managed to calm myself down. "Okay, think. You're in the middle of nowhere with a huge arse axe that you probably can't lift – let alone _use_ – with your clothes changed by an unnamed weirdo and what appears to be no supplies. Panicking will not help the situation. And oh god I really need to stop talking to myself. It's a sign of madness," I rambled, before clamping my mouth shut and walking over to the chest, kicking it open and hoping to find a clue inside.

I lucked out.

_Dear Kelle,_ I read (though this time I used my inside-head voice).

_Welcome to Spira. I understand that you're probably freaked out and scared out of your mind right now, and we're sorry you ended up in this situation. There was a wormhole of sorts that kind of sucked up your world and destroyed it. You have our deepest condolences. You survived thanks to two things:_

_Number 1: You had way more magical energy than the average person of your world (possibly you have an ancestor from our world, some of the 'anti-Yevon heathen mages' managed to escape to your world some centuries ago), and the combined magic of yourself along with the other... anomalies, so to speak, called out to us and allowed us to help by co-operating with us._

_Number 2: We saw an opportunity and took it. Right now, we need all the help we can get to get rid of Sin, which is, as you apparently know, a giant monster of watery death that's terrorised our world for roughly a thousand years. So, those of you with the power to survive the journey to this world have been... conscripted, for lack of a better word, to help rid the world of this menace._

_The 'Bolt Axe' you woke up with is the real deal (minus the limited uses). You have the magical potential to use it, so the weight shouldn't be a problem. You've definitely got a knack for magic. Physical strength... not so much. We got the idea when we looked through your memories so we could come up with something suitable for you to wield. Sorry about that, but we didn't just want to give you something you couldn't use, like a sword. Also, we've included a sphere grid in this chest (we already tuned it to you, there's a manual in the chest along with the other stuff) and a... 'sphere bumper pack' of sorts to help get you started. You'll also find the Moon Crest, but that was already there._

_There are five others like you who survived, though unfortunately we were unable to get you all in the same place and you're one of only two who've 'played the game'. Hopefully you'll be able to meet up along the way._

_Sorry for dragging you into this – we understand that this isn't really your fight, but we must ask this of you._

_Sincerely,_

_The Fayth._

_P.S. No, this is not a prank._

"Bullshit," I muttered at the P.S. "This is not possible. It's just not possible," I may have freaked out and thrown a fit, but given the circumstances it was sort of justified if the whole 'my home is destroyed' thing is actually true. And what's this shit about Spiran (or whatever the term is for the humans of this world) descent giving me freaking magic powers? I must still be asleep on the train and having a fucked up dream. That's the only plausible explanation.

After a few hours of denial, raving and cursing at the sky like a crazy person and then breaking down into a sobbing wreck, by which time the sun was high in the sky, I resigned myself to the situation – shitty as it was – and decided to take a look at the contents of the chest that, if my memory served correctly, looked a fair bit bigger than it had 'in the game,' probably to accommodate all the extra crap they'd thrown in.

There was a bag with supplies in it (mostly food, opaque water bottles with filters built into the lids, spare clothes, etc.,) a book on Spira's unaltered history, a book on basic magic (since apparently you don't learn spells with 'ability spheres' like in the game, but with actually studying and learning the magic. Simple 'abilities and skills' could be learned that way, however,) and some more advanced magic books that appeared to be locked. There was also about ten potions, a couple of ethers, a sphere grid (which I found I could clip onto my belt), some grenades, some kind of breathing mask that turned out to make it possible for me to breathe underwater (it looked kind of Al Bhed, though, so I made a mental note to not wear it anywhere a Yevonite might see. Or even have it anywhere they might find it), what appeared to be one of those gravity bombs the L'Cie use in FFXIII and user manuals for stuff like the mask and the grid. I packed most of the stuff into the bag, which seemed bizarrely able to fit everything in spite of its size, and stuffed the potions, grenades and gravity bombs into my similarly bottomless pockets.

...Is hammerspace a real thing here? Maybe it's in the books they gave me or something.

I hesitated for a moment, before finally picking up the heavy-looking axe and being very shocked when it seemed to weigh next to nothing. It looked mostly just like a normal Bolt Axe, except the... inner part of the blade, for lack of a better term was covered in a multitude of arcane-looking runes. I wondered what they meant, before deciding to try my luck swimming to the main beach area from which I could actually reach the island's village. I was naturally rather astonished that the axe, being huge and heavy and _metal_, didn't hinder me as I swam, but shrugged it off as some kind of phlebotinum. Only logical explanation and I've already had enough crap to wrap my head around for one day.

But enough of my moping. I can do that later, after I have made it to Besaid village and commandeered a safe place to sleep. I better come up with some kind of believable story or something...

* * *

Now I know why you always fight with a party of three (except at the beginning, where you can only use Tidus) in this game. Fiends are actually pretty tough. I decided against the swimming route and went the long way. Which, for someone like me who's never fought a fiend before in her life, is extremely stupid. They seemed to sense my inexperience and mobbed me. I think I managed to kill a third of the mob before I finally broke.

"If there's anyone out there, _can you please fucking help me before I'm eaten by fucking fiends_?!" I screeched, deciding to screw bravery and nobility and all that shit and try to survive like a sane person. To hell with my pride, I did not sign up for this!

"That's quite the potty mouth you have there, young lady," Luzzu and Gatta! I'm saved! Thank you, Crusaders! I always thought you were kind of badass in the game. Thanks to them teaming up with me (and giving me a potion – I still had eight left, but no way was I telling them that) we managed to make quick work of the fiends. Turns out that the bolt axe is pretty handy for dealing with aerial fiends. It's a 'bolt' axe only in name and appearance. The... 'farstrikes,' as I'll be calling them, seem to be non-elemental attacks. Hopefully it won't take up an auto-ability slot...

Once the fiends were all nice and dead (well, you know what I mean – pyreflies), the two of them turned to me.

"Are you alright?" Luzzu asked me, scrutinising me carefully. As soon as I nodded, he frowned. "I don't recognise you. Who are you?"

"Kelle. That's pretty much all I remember, too," I lied. "I had this huge bloody lump on my head when I woke up on the beach back there. I used that funky glowing blue sphere thing and it made the bump go away, but whenever I try and remember anything else I get a really big headache. I just sat there on the beach for hours trying to figure it all out, but that didn't work so I thought I'd look for people," I elaborated. He sighed, looking exasperated.

"I see, an amnesiac. And you say you remember nothing but your name?" he asked, looking rather distrustful of me. Clearly he didn't buy my story.

"Ah, well... to be honest, I didn't even remember that until I saw this," I said, unclipping the sphere grid from my belt and showing it to him. "I dunno how it works, but it's got my name on it and it _feels_ like it's mine. Like, um..." I made a show of trying to think of a word to use.

"Yes, I have the same resonance with my own sphere grid... Well, we can't leave a young lady out here all by herself with no memory. We'll be taking you to the village, where it's safe. Please don't wander off," he said, sounding like he begrudged me it slightly. Gatta, who had completely missed the suspicious looks his mentor was giving me.

"Yeah, we should take you to the temple! Maybe if you pray to Yevon it'll help your memory come back!" he said, sounding rather cheerful for a guy who's just fought a bunch of freaking monsters. In keeping with my new 'innocent amnesiac' act, I simply gave him the most clueless look I could muster.

"What's Yevon?" I asked, feeling rather stupid even though this was just an act and I _knew _what Yevon was. And I freaking hated it, too. Stupid Yevon and its corruption and unsent maesters and shit. I almost gave myself away as a result of Gatta's response to my question. It was just so hilarious. "Um, mister, why are you looking at me like I grew a second head or something?" I then looked stricken, having decided to go all the way with it... "Oh god, have I?!" I 'panicked' and started grasping at my neck and shoulders to 'check' for a second head.

Mentally, I was laughing my arse off as Gatta's dumbstruck expression turned up to eleven. Then he seemed to get it.

"OH! Right, amnesia. So, uh... I'm Gatta, this is Luzzu. You don't have to call me mister or anything," Gatta said, grabbing hold of my wrist once I put my axe away and confirmed that yes, hammerspace is a real thing here. I blame the pyreflies. They fuck up everything. I then proceeded to get an explanation on what Yevon was from the two. It was immensely boring, so I'm not going to put it here.

Eventually we reached the village, and the gruesome twosome took me to the temple and explained everything about my situation to the priest. I wound up being forced to pray to Yevon for the next bloody hour. I silently cursed that damn priest. I was tired, and I'd had a horrible day and any faith I'd had in _any_ god, let alone one I knew was complete bollocks was shattered, given that everything I've ever known has gone to hell and now I'm stuck in a foreign world doing the fayth's dirty work. I did _not_ feel like praying. After said hellish hour (felt more like an eternity) had passed, the priest finally let me go and directed me to the Crusaders' lodge, where I now had the wondrous luxury known as a _bed_ waiting for me. I was stopped and forced to eat a meal, but the food was good so I didn't do anything stupid like throw a hissy fit.

After all that, though, I just changed into the night things they'd provided me with behind a curtain and collapsed into bed. I conked out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

* * *

**A/N****: I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me! This is pretty short compared to my usual stuff, two thousand words. But still. A decent first chapter. I hope. This hasn't been beta'd, so if you see any mistakes let me know so I can correct them!**

**This is Rook, signing off on the first chapter of Child of Earth in Spira: Redux! See you next time!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer****: I own nothing but my OCs and any unique ideas I managed to come up with.**

**Fun fact of the day: The Authoress has weird feet.**

**Chapter Two: I thought I hated Yevon before. I was wrong. NOW I hate Yevon.**

"Well, you must not be praying hard enough! Pray harder!" the evil death priest said harshly, snapping his metaphorical whip and then smacking me upside the head when he heard me cursing him under my breath. "Such foul language shall not be uttered within the holy confines of this temple! Begone from here, and come back only when you decide you can pray without such... reprehensible behaviour!" I happily obliged the old goat and left the hateful, stuffy temple. I've been in this shithole (and it _is_ a shithole) for a whole damn week. I mean, yeah. It's a pretty place to live and I've gotten to meet the main characters from one of my all-time favourite video games (not that I told them that). But everyone lives in huts with none of the basic utilities I'm used to.

Like plumbing. Or air conditioning. Or anything remotely convenient. I HATE YEVON AND ITS STUPIDITY SO DAMN MUCH IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY. I WANT TO TAKE A BATH THAT'S NOT COMMUNAL. Not that I have anything again communal bathing (it's not like it's not gender segregated), it's just that I'm a somewhat private person, and the baths are outside. One thing they don't tell you is that Besaid gets pretty cold in the early morning time, which is when I like to wash myself so I smell nice for the day. Funnily enough, that's when Yuna likes to wash too. That's how we met. Needless to say I was _not_ expecting it.

"Bad time at the temple today?" a voice rang out from somewhere to my left. Speak of the devil. Still rubbing my jaw, I grimaced, putting my book down.

"You have no idea. I mean, I have no idea what Yevon even is. How am I supposed to just believe in it straight from the off just because that old guy told me to?" I complained. "I don't have anything _against_ Yevon, but... ugh, it's just weird. I mean, if you ended up waking up in some weird place and then you're taken to a temple and told to pray to some god or something you've never even heard of for salvation, you'd be a little confused and annoyed, right?" She frowned, but nodded after a moment.

"I do see what you mean. Perhaps the temple elders could have been a little more... mindful of your condition when you came here," she admitted, ignoring Wakka, who was giving me a somewhat daggered look for not blindly following the temple like a damn sheep. I won't deny I'm being harsh, but I'm still in a pretty foul mood. Having to help dig latrines when you're a city kid will do that.

"Talking like a heathen. You sure she's not Al Bhed, Yuna? She sure acts like one," our resident blitz captain grumbled, shooting me a super-distrustful look. I returned it, feeling peeved and wanting to punch something. I'd made it pretty clear after my first night's sleep here in the village: I did _not_ want to pray at the temple. I just wanted to be left to my own devices so I could 'get my head straight'. In truth, I wanted to study the books I'd been given in private. The less-than-ten hours I'd managed to get in working on my magic this week were pretty much wasted. I was trying to do a basic Fire spell, but all I could produce was a measly wisp of smoke. Right now I wished I had a better understanding of magic so I could figure out how to curse his guts out.

"Wakka! Don't be so mean to her. She's in a really tough situation right now," Yuna admonished him, bonking him over the head with her staff in such a way that told me she'd done it a million times. "Hmm? Is that a magic tome? Are you a mage like Lulu, Kelle?" I frowned, flicking through the book.

"Apparently. I had these with me when I woke up, but I can't figure out how to get the spells to work..." I muttered, incanting the fire spell as best I could and showing her the pitiful smoke coming from a slightly glowing fingertip. Yuna frowned and went off to get Lulu, leaving me alone with Wakka.

"So, the big day's tomorrow, huh?" I asked, trying to studiously ignore Wakka's obvious dislike of me and get along for Yuna's sake. She had enough on her plate already, what with her going to see the fayth tomorrow and all. "You going in with her to the trials or whatever they are?"

"That's the _cloister of trials_," he corrected me. "Are you sayin' you don't even remember that?"

"Pretty much. I only know this much because I've heard people talking about Yuna taking some trial and becoming a summoner. Don't know what any of it actually means, but if it makes Yuna happy then that's cool," I lied. To be frank I thought this whole thing was fucked in the head, but saying that to a zealot like Wakka was just asking for trouble I didn't want. He _had_ been helping me get better at fighting fiends, even if it was only because Yuna asked him to. I had to get on his good side. "She's a really good friend."

"Ya, she is," he agreed with me for once, looking rather sad for a moment before he wiped that look from his face. "But yeah, Yuna goes to hopefully become a summoner tomorrow. Lu and Kimahri'll be goin' with her, to look after her, you know?"

"That's good," I sighed, pretending that I didn't already know this and that I was relieved. "I'd be worried otherwise. I mean, you hear the word 'trials' and it just sounds really bad. I know Lulu considers her a sister and Kimahri's really strong and between them heaven help anything that tries to get Yuna."

"Yeah, you're right. I still rather be goin' with her, but I know I can trust those two. And Yuna's no pushover either," he chuckled. "You see how she got me with that staff of hers?" I smiled. Maybe he's not such an arsehole after all...

"Glad to know you have so much faith in us," Lulu's voice called from behind us. Wakka and I both turned around to see Lulu herself stood next to Yuna and Kimahri.

"Ah, how long were you standing there?" I asked, mildly embarrassed. She chuckled slightly.

"Long enough," she answered, before taking a look at the beginner's tome I was holding. "So, that's the book you woke up with?" she asked, taking a look at it as I handed it to her.

"I've got some labelled intermediate and advanced in my bag, too. No idea how I got them. I don't really seem to have that much talent for actually casting the spells," I said, feeling deeply ashamed. I was supposedly descended from some outcast Spiran magic user, and I couldn't even master something basic like this. She hummed and told me to attempt to cast, and blinked slightly.

"Well. You've actually done quite well in such a short span of time for someone who's never used magic before without someone to help guide you," she commented. I baulked.

"B-but it says right there that this is supposed to be super easy to learn! I thought there was something wrong with me or something," I admitted, looking at the book hopelessly. She sighed and shook her head.

"No. On your own, learning is quite hard. I was fortunate that I had such a great mentor in the arts. But, with help, you should master these spells quite easily. It's clear you have the potential if you've managed to come this far on your own in so short a time." I flushed deeply. From someone like Lulu, this was some seriously high praise. "I would be willing to help you get the hang of it, though I may not have much in the way of time. Luckily for you we have all of this afternoon and maybe some of tomorrow, depending on how long Yuna takes to become a summoner."

"You're seriously gonna teach me? That's great! Thank you, Lulu! I promise I'll be a good student!" I cheered, feeling the best I had in days. I mean, I was learning freaking magic from a really awesome video game character. I may or may not have done a rather undignified happy dance. Please don't tell the evil priest on me!

* * *

Being taught by Lulu turned out to not be such a great thing after all. According to her, I have a good inbuilt tolerance for magic, which makes the whole learning process easier:

After we were done making sure I understood the theory correctly, and that my pronunciation was correct, she proceeded to teach me the spell casting process for the fire spell by _flinging fireballs at me one after another_ until I managed to understand every precise detail of the spell. Then she did the same for the other three elements after she took an ether and got Yuna to heal me. Needless to say we were there for a _long_ time.

Training from hell, indeed. Still, I was developing a better understanding of this crap. I'm still nowhere near Lulu's level of skill, though, so I'll stick with my magical axe of death for the time being. Just for now. I wouldn't mind learning something useful like the Drain spell, though. Only problem with that is I don't have access to it in the spell book I can open. I may be able to take magic attacks well, but not so much with the physical stuff. I am so making armour with Auto-Protect the first chance I get so I don't die. It's the best chance I have at keeping myself alive, since I apparently have a shitty (read: non-existent) affinity for actual healing magic like Yuna can cast. Maybe I'll add in some Auto-Regen, too... So, that's 80 Light Curtains and 80 Healing Springs. Oh, joy.

But I have a long hard slog ahead of me before Rikku joins the party, and I have no idea how weapon customisation works, _at all_. I'll just have to work on a) acquiring _lots_ of gil before we reach Bevelle, where you can bribe the octopi there for the cheapest Healing Springs in the game (4,500 gil each, meaning 90,000 gil for 20. Multiply that by four and I'll need... 360,000 gil! Holy shit!At least the Light Curtains are easier to get...) and b) actually either learning the bribe skill myself, just in case I get thrown in the water area of the Via Purifico, or make sure one of our three swimmers learns it. Before Bevelle. Ugh. I should write this down.

...Oh, right.

Anyway, back to the story. After Lulu was done torturing – sorry, _teaching_ – me, I decided to go back to the crusaders' lodge so I could curl up and go to sleep.

I shot pitifully weak lightning blasts at the poor fool who attempted to make me go to the temple and pray again. I'm sick of praying!

* * *

"...You really didn't have to electrocute him like that, Kelle," Yuna scolded me. I blinked at her innocently.

"But Lulu said I should practice my magic whenever possible!" I insisted. "And he was trying to get me to go pray after I just went through exhausting and painful training. Anyone else would have reacted in a similar manner... And I really don't like that priest," I confessed, ducking when Wakka swiped at me, though there didn't seem to be any true malice in the action this time. Instead, I received a bonk on the head from our resident apprentice summoner. Have I ever mentioned, that for someone with such low in-game attack power, she's really good at hitting people with that damn staff?!

"Not on the Crusaders!" Another bonk. I think I'll die of brain damage if she keeps this up. "At the very least, _try_ to behave yourself while I'm at the temple? I know how hard it is for you," she giggled, letting her stern façade crack a little.

"And be sure to practice your magic when you're out training with Wakka. I don't want you slacking off," Lulu intoned, handing me a potion for the huge bumps Yuna had given me.

"Yes, mother," I grumbled, using the potion and straightening up slightly. "Good luck, Yuna. I know you don't need it, but I want to say it anyway."

"Thank you, Kelle. Hopefully, when I next see you, it will be as a fully fledged summoner!" I smiled tiredly and waved the trio as they ascended the stairs and entered the trials.

Then I ran for my life before the wicked priest could catch me and make me pray.

Now that I think on it, though, the alternative option of fiend hunting with _Wakka_ of all people wasn't that much better. There was much lecturing on the merits of Yevon between battles. I think the priest got to him. I couldn't wait for Tidus to arrive, if only so he'd take Wakka's focus away from trying to convert me into a Yevonite. Still, at least my magic is getting better. I can now cast a slightly less weak elemental spell up to a range of ten whole metres!

Actual improvement is slow in coming. At least I'm getting better at hacking fiends to bits.

That evening, I had to deal with a fretting Wakka worrying himself stupid over Yuna and the others not being back yet. I was almost tempted to go to the temple and actually pray instead of enduring this shit, but I persevered. By knocking him out with the nice, thick-bottomed, _cast iron_ frying pan.

Heh heh.

But still! Tidus arrives tomorrow! No more Yevon lectures from Wakka! ...I hope.

* * *

**A/N****: Two updates in one week! I'm on a roll here!**

**Once again, this hasn't been beta'd. Any volunteers?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer****: I own nothing but my OCs.**

**Before I say anything else, I would like to say that none of the OCs are getting overdrives. Half because I'm lazy, and half because... Well, I don't want to OP them too much.**

**You get another OC intro today! Yes, I know it's pretty early, but I thought Kelle was getting a little lonely all by herself.**

**When I finish his basic design, I'll upload it to my devART account and put a link on my profile like I did with Kelle's, 'kay? Check it out if you feel like it. If you have a devART account, feedback would be much appreciated.**

**Ahem, now that I'm done with my shameless self-advertising, here's chapter three. Enjoy.**

**And give me more reviews! (Thanks to angelofdarknessfire, Amylou11987 and Erin Primette for your kind reviews.)**

**Chapter Three: Enter the womaniser.**

"Bored, bored, bored..." for someone like me, who likes to participate in sports as opposed to watching from the sidelines, watching the Aurochs train was mind-numbingly tedious. "Show up already, stupid blond guy..." I complained, practising the Blizzard spell (sue me, Besaid is a tropical island, and I'm from the UK, the home of all that is cold and dreary) for what felt like the millionth time that day. It was a little after we'd all had our mid-morning break by the time something finally happened.

After an eternity of waiting, one of the Aurochs – I think it was Botta? – hit the blitzball out into the ocean and hit a blond head. I mentally cheered as the ball was kicked back and Wakka narrowly dodged getting hit in the face by said ball (though I was a teensy bit disappointed that I didn't get to see Wakka get hit in the face – it would have been hilarious to see).

And then I noticed something as our blond hero swam to shore.

There was someone with him.

And, DAMN this guy was sexy! My inner pervert had a field day checking this guy out. He had slightly messed up, shaggy red (not ginger, actual proper red) hair, lightly tanned skin, and he was pretty tall. When he turned to look at me, I noticed his eyes were a very pretty light indigo sort of colour. He had a cloak kind of like a sword saint (or holy swordsman, whatever) but with the hood down and in a different colour scheme.

Inside, I was swooning. I've always secretly had a thing for redheads.

"So, you ended up in this world, too, huh? I'm Kelle," I greeted the sexy redhead once I noticed everyone else was paying attention to Tidus. He blinked a couple of times before responding.

"You're from Earth, too? I'm Noah, I was kinda hopin' at first that this was some kinda messed up dream," After mentally swooning over the sexy voice (deep baritone with an Aussie twang – it's odd, I've met Aussie guys before, but I didn't find the accent – or any accent for that matter – particularly attractive. On this guy it's freaking ear porn), I sighed. "Though, uh, if this is a dream, this is definitely an improvement..." he smirked, his eyes roaming my form appreciatively and forcing a blush to rise to my cheeks. Oh great, a womaniser. And I've got the hots for him. I really need to work on my taste in men.

"Do you know anything about... this?" I asked him, gesturing to our surroundings and sighing when he shook his head. Yay. Now I have to babysit and educate a womaniser "Then we need to talk later in private. But, if anyone asks, you don't remember where you came from. They'll start blathering on about Sin's toxin and praying to Yevon for salvation." I shuddered at the thought of more praying. Noah smirked at me again.

"In private? I like the sound of that."

...If I get distracted by the sexy and die in battle, it's all Noah's fault. I'm pretty sure that at that point, my face somewhat resembled a tomato.

"Hey, you two! We're goin' back to the village!" I scowled at Wakka as he dragged us off.

"Bah, Wakka, you party pooper," I complained. The blitzer in question merely cackled evilly and picked me up. "Aw, hell no! Wakka, you'd better not be thinking of –!" I screamed as I was tossed off the miniature cliff and into the fiend-infested water. I resurfaced and flipped Wakka off right before he jumped in, having shoved Tidus and Noah in before him. "Hey guys," I said, before grinning evilly. "Let's get revenge on him later!"

"Sounds good to me," Noah chuckled, mirroring my grin.

"Count me in, too," Tidus added. "I'm Tidus, by the way."

"Kelle, nice to meet you, Tidus."

"Hey, come on you three! You wanna reach the village today or not?" Wakka called, having swam a little ahead. I very maturely stuck my tongue out at him. Noah and I sat the battles out, not really being able to hold our breath long enough to fight. He'd made a move to put a breathing mask identical to the one I had in my possession on, but I stopped him.

"You can't be serious about leavin' them to fight by themselves!" he snapped at me. I sighed.

"You don't understand. Most forms of technology are viewed as 'evil machina' here, forbidden by the teachings of Yevon. It's a load of bull, but if they catch us using stuff like this, we'll end up in _big_ trouble," I explained, putting emphasis on the world big. "It's why everyone treats the Al Bhed like trash. They question the teachings and use machina, and get labelled heathens for it. Wakka over there is one of the worst Al Bhed haters there is. Other than that, he's an okay guy, but using machina in front of him is a no-no. I don't like sitting on the sidelines any more than you do, Noah." He gritted his teeth and nodded. "It's not like we have to do this all the way there. Once we're back on land, we'll definitely be helping out with the fiends," I assured him. He sighed and nodded. "It won't always be like this. I promise."

"I hope you're right."

* * *

"Ugh, finally. Wakka, remind me again why we had to take the watery route?" I asked the moron irritably. "When Yuna and the others get back, I am _so_ getting Lulu to let me use you for target practice."

"H-hey! Let's not be so harsh!" Wakka protested weakly.

I merely glared at him and used my pitiful fire spell to dry off.

"Whoa! How the bloody hell did you do _that_?" Noah asked, staring at me like I'd grown a second head.

"Magic. I've been learning since I washed up here last week. I still have a long way to go before I get as good as Lulu is, though," I explained. "But it's cool. I have my magic axe."

"A magic axe. Right." Poor Noah looked like he didn't know which way was up anymore.

Bizarrely enough, we weren't actually bothered by fiends on the road back. We ran into Luzzu and Gatta, who _warned_ us about fiends, but I guess they must have driven them off or something.

And then, after much walking and talking about silly things like the weather, we reached the village. Wakka turned to the other two guys, wearing what I like to call his 'Yevon face,' so I backed up and made myself look as small as possible in the hope that he'd forget I was there.

"You two do remember the prayer, right?" he asked them somewhat sternly, pointedly ignoring my tortured shudder. If I actually believed in Yevon, it wouldn't be such a horrible thing. But when you know it's all a load of bullshit, it just becomes torture of the boring variety. I managed to keep my twitching to a minimum as Wakka taught Noah the prayer gesture and then told the three of us to go to the temple and _then_ we could eat. I glared furiously at Wakka's retreating back, before accepting defeat and heading to the temple with the boys.

"I hope the evil priest isn't on duty today..." I muttered, hiding behind my newly acquired meat shields just in case. As we walked inside, I was on the receiving end of some glares from the temple-folk who do not like me and my lack of love for Yevon and praying. I thanked my lucky stars when Tidus drew their attention by putting his foot in it most magnificently by asking what a 'summer-ner' was. The evil priest who _was_ on duty thankfully kept his attention on the boys and, seeing my opening, I fled the temple like a sissy and decided to loiter outside Wakka's house for a while.

Fun fact: The evil priest spends a lot longer lecturing Tidus in reality than he does in the game. I hope Noah doesn't blab about not being from Spira... That would be bad, to put it lightly. They'd toss us in the mad house – that is if Spira even has those. I don't plan on finding out if they do any time soon.

"Why'd you abandon us in there?" Tidus' voice rang out. I gave him a haunted look.

"I've had enough lectures on the merits of praying to Yevon to last a lifetime," I told him, shuddering. "I'm telling you, if you thought that just now was bad, you haven't seen him in slave driver mode... 'You're not doing it right! Pray harder!'" I mocked, snapping my imaginary whip and glaring resentfully at the temple. Noah laughed.

"I sure as hell don't envy you." I scowled at him. "Oh, alright. I'm sorry, now will you stop ruining that pretty face with that expression?" I sighed. _Why have I suddenly developed such lousy taste in men? He's clearly trying to get in my pants and yet I can't stop blushing around him,_ I thought to myself as I led the boys inside, only to receive the expected: "Sorry, guys. No time for lunch yet. Take a nap! You look bushed." Now that he mentioned it, I was kind of tired. I decided to retreat to the Crusaders' lodge to go sleep in 'my' bed.

* * *

"...uh..." I groaned, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

"Good mornin', sunshine!" I opened my eyes to the admittedly very pleasant sight of a grinning Noah sat on the edge of my bed.

"How long have I been napping for?" I asked, rolling my shoulders slightly in an effort to dispel the stiffness in them.

"'Bout an hour. Tidus is still out cold. I swear, you were right about that priest. Mean as cat's piss," he commented sourly. "Anyway, you said you'd explain things." I noticed a Crusader coming in to take a nap on one of the beds, so I led Noah off to a secluded area and basically explained the whole 'we're in a video game and I know what's going on' thing. "That's... pretty fucked up."

"You're telling me. And my mother said video games would never help me in life. Talk about irony," I sighed, sitting on a nearby rock. "It's part of why I figured we shouldn't tell anyone. If we went around saying, 'hey, yeah, we know Yevon's a crock of shit and we know how to kill Sin without summoners dying' they'd either kill us or have us committed. Neither one sounds all that appealing if you ask me," I explained. "Better to pretend we don't remember anything than to come up with some cock-and-bull story that might bite us in the arse."

"Why do I get the feelin' we're gonna be flat out like a lizard drinking?" he asked no one in particular, looking rather put upon.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I plan on following the 'plot' through. Hopefully I'll improve enough to become Yuna's guardian, and from there make sure everything happens as it should," I said, frowning at the ground. "That subtle threat from the fayth isn't something I want to happen."

"A delicate thing like you? I'm gobsmacked," he laughed, sitting next to me on the rock and slinging an arm around my shoulder. I bonked him on the head lightly, laughing along with him.

"Beats staying here, I don't think I could handle another week with the evil priest," I confessed. Noah just laughed harder, clearly agreeing with me.

"Yeah, I think he's got roos loose in the top paddock, if you catch my meaning," he snickered. After that, we just sort of sat and went over everything until Noah was completely up to speed with everything. Noah seemed to be taking the whole situation pretty seriously – he didn't even pull any moves.

"Hey! Noah! Kelle! Where are you two?" We both stopped talking and followed the sound of Tidus' loud voice.

"You hollered, Tidus?" I asked, smiling wryly. He dragged us both into the temple, leading to the confrontation with the evil priest who insisted the 'precepts must be obeyed!' I was extremely happy when Tidus finally voiced my opinion on the whole thing:

"Like I care!" And then he went into the Cloister of Trials, with Noah and I following behind. I vaguely remembered the layout of the Trials, so it wasn't all that hard for us to get through. I was pretty amazed, though, at some of the detail in the place. I'd learned plenty from the books I'd been left with, and those symbols on the walls are actual letters. The names of various temples, eventually leading up to 'Sin' were glowing on the walls, and when we finally reached the elevator platform after collecting the Rod of Wisdom from the hidden chest, I noticed the sign for 'nothingness' written in red on the back wall. I don't think I've ever seen so much symbolism in one place in my entire life. At least, not in person.

And then Wakka showed up and started scolding me because I should have known better, having been here for a week and having been told about the whole forbidden thing before.

"Well, I couldn't just let them wander in on their own, could I?" I snapped, having finally had enough of Wakka's nagging. "Besides, it looked like an adventure and lord knows there's been a shortage of that lately."

"Hmph. Behaving like a heathen," Wakka grumped. Noah smacked him over the head for me. I made a mental note to thank him later. It was mostly quiet the rest of the way down. Cue scolding from Lulu. Thankfully, Yuna made her appearance before spells could be flung. I may have a good resistance, but it's still pretty painful to have fireballs lobbed at you by an angry Lulu.

"I've done it... I have become a summoner!" Yuna informed us, looking extremely worn out but very pleased. Then she proceeded to fall and I'm fairly certain she would have cracked her head open and died if Kimahri hadn't caught her.

"They should install safety railings," I commented, pointing at the highly unsafe stairs. This earned me a smack upside the head from Lulu. "Ow! What? I was just pointing out a flaw! She could've been killed just now if not for Kimahri! Nice catch, by the way," I said that last part to Kimahri, who acknowledged me with a nod. See, Kimahri gets it. Because he's awesome. "Anyway, you okay, Yuna? You need to rest a while? They won't mind waiting a little longer."

"I am fine, Kelle. Thank you," she assured me, before proving that she was fine by – you guessed it – smacking me over the head with her staff.

Bah. This is what I get for caring.

* * *

Thankfully, Lulu did not see fit to murder me as we left the temple, only fry me a bit with fire spells, so Noah, Tidus and I watched Yuna summon Valefor with Wakka and everyone else.

"Holy bloody moly, it was one thing having you tell me about it, but..." I heard Noah murmur, staring in awe at the summoned beast.

"Not even seeing it on a screen compares to the real thing," I commented, watching Yuna dismiss Valefor and smile at the assembled villagers.

"Kelle! Come on, I need to see how you've come along since yesterday," Lulu said, hauling me off for spell practice. Needless to say, it wound up being more like a torture session given the fact that Lulu was so mad at me at that point in time. I was secretly aware of the fact that Noah was watching from afar, and cringing every few minutes when Lulu got particularly harsh.

Since Yuna was busy, he wound up being the one taking my battered form to the Crusaders' lodge to get healed up in time for the bonfire.

"I do not envy you one bit," Noah told me, leading me outside and finding a nice spot by the fire where I could simply nap and enjoy the warmth for a while. I grumbled halfheartedly before drifting off to sleep.

I wound up sleeping for the whole night and missing all the good stuff. BAH.

* * *

**A/N****: And so ends chapter 3. It could have gone better, I admit, but still. I'm satisfied. Be sure to let me know what you think of the story so far in my reviews!**


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